Green Weddings. Or what’s your carbon foot-print?

I met this writer/journalist/social worker child-hood friend of mine in Delhi after 5 years.
Amit has written on a variety of social issues in India and is very opinionated about everything.  
 
We caught up on each other’s lives and everyone else’s we knew. 
Eventually, I broke the news to him.  “So, I am planning to write a book”, I say, in a matter of fact manner.  
 
Amit: Let me guess what it’s about.  An immigrant lost in two worlds. It’s too clichéd, yaar!!  (Yaar  in Hindi,  essentially  means “dude”)
 
Me: Really? Who else wrote about it besides Jhumpaji?   ( ji- a title attached to people’s name out of respect)
Amit:  (rattles off a few more authors’ names I have never heard of)
Me: Ok. Whatever. What about something to do with green technology?
Amit: “Green technology” Sounds like an oxymoron.
Me: Carbon footprint of India?
Amit: India is very green. Ask Americans to stop driving Hummers.
Me: You can’t do that. Americans love their cars. And Indians have started to get into that car culture too. Every second commercial on TV is about cars.
Amit: Not true. People love their motor-bikes here and the ubiquitous “human-powered rickshaws”.  
Me:  C’mon. It’s the “Indian dream” to own a car. Isn’t it?  
Amit: True.
Anyways, we digress. So, who’s going to publish your book on green-tech?  
 
 
Me: Hulu
Amit: Who Lu? Some Chinese publisher? Can they read English there?
Me: Dude!  Hulu.com or is it Lulu.com !  Self-publish. Free. Cut out the middle-man.
 
He just gave me an idea. This thing might even sell in China!  I can get it translated if needed. They are getting big into cleaning up their mess  act.  Beijing is one of the most polluted cities. 2008 Olympics is going to make it worse.
 
Mom walks by. She asks, “what are you brainiacs talking about?”
 
Amit and I stare at each other.
 
Amit blurts out. He is writing a novel, pointing a finger at me. 
 
Mom: atam-katha? (auto-biography?) Please change my name if you mention me in your book.  
 
I am mumble something under my breath.  Eventually I say, I am not sure.  I haven’t decided yet.
 
You will be referred to as “Mom”. Nobody is going to know. Duh!
 
So what’s the plot for your green-tech thriller, Amit teases.
Is it a thriller? Or will it be like “Guns, Germs and Steel”?
 
No. It’s gonna be a romantic comedy, I answer brusquely in a sarcastic tone. I want to make a movie out of it eventually if people like it. People like romantic comedies, right?
 
Amit: Only if it is not real….
 
Mukta arrives at that instant with her gleaming smile. Mukta is my mom’s cook/cleaning lady/errand lady/butler all rolled into one.  
 
Mukta: Cha khabe? (Literally translated this statement means “Wanna eat tea?”)
 
Me: Sure.
Amit:  Grande. Err… I mean large. 
 
I chuckle. Say nothing.
 
Since when did our anti-establishment guy started drinking “grande tea”.  I decided not to pull his leg.
 
(Seeing Mukta carry some of my clothes that were drying in the sun on our patio)
Me: See here’s an example of what I want to write about. We dry our clothes in the sun instead of the washing machine’s drier. Multiply that with every person on this planet, times, the number of clothes they wash and the savings…you do the math!   Simple, na?
 
Amit: Aha! Sun-dried tomatoes…sun dried clothes. That’s a good one!  Have you seen the fishes being dried on the beaches in Kerala? Or the chilies being dried in the desert in Rajasthan?   No preservatives necessary. What a concept!
 
Me: Tell me if humans are more efficient at conversion of energy or machines?
Amit: What do you mean?
Me: Consider, human beings as a machine that consumes energy and does some work, like pulling a rickshaw. For every 100 calories of energy a human consumes, how many calories of work can we do?
Amit: (frowns) Don’t know.
Me: Compare this with a car.
Amit: Now I know what you are getting at.
Me: What?
Amit: “Human powered rickshaws”
Me: Yes. I know it is  so19th century. All I am saying is, that’s “Green tech”. No emissions.   Nothing. Nada. Zippo.
 
Plus, it’s a good work-out! And you are making money of it.
Its better than working out in a gym with electric powered machines, all, just to burn a few calories! “Go, pull a rickshaw!”
 
I think marriages conserve energy too. Think about it.
You drive around in one car instead of two.
You stay in one house.
Less electricity, less fuel consumption, less food?
 
Amit: Less food? No way. Are you saying, people eat less once they get married?
 
Me: Maybe?
 
Wait a minute, Amit shouted. What about babies?
Till the point a couple does not produce babies, I agree with your theory. That breaks down if couples produce babies.
 
Dang. He is right. I hate him.
 
What about deaths? If the overall population of a country falls every generation then what?
 
Ok. That makes sense.
 
So when are you getting married to save this planet?